Soap saga

The following is some correspondence which actually occurred between a
London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved
submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.


Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you, S. Berman


Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top
of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves
only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is
to leave 3 soaps daily.

I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid


Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell
you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got
back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the
shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for
two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6
little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving,
brushing teeth, etc.

Please remove them.

S. Berman


Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we
are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your
way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put
the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the
3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet
for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in
last Monday. Please, let me know if I can of further assistance.

Your regular maid, Dotty


Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service.
I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my
apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints
please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension
1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.

Elaine Carmen Housekeeper


Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 745 AM and don't get back before 530 or 6PM. That's the reason
I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked
Mr.  Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap.
The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today,
since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along
with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days
here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman


Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room
and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call
extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you,

Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper


Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call
the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman


Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I
cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are
instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The
situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for
the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder Assistant Manager


Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who the heck left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night
and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I
want my one bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap
in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size
Dial.

S. Berman


Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then
you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I
personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3
Camays you are supposed to receive daily [sic]. I don't know anything
about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I
had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily
Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size
Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your
room.

Elaine Carmen Housekeeper


Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.

As of today I possess:

  On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1
  stack of 2.  On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1
  stack of 3.  On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1
  stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.  Inside
  medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.  In
  shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.  On northeast corner of tub
  - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.  On northwest corner of tub - 6
  Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than
4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not
in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One
more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am
keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

S. Berman