One liners

One liners

90% of all statistics are made up
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.
From the Department of Redundancy Dept.
A camel is a horse planned by committee.
Dijon vu - the feeling you have eaten this mustard before.
Deja moo - I swear that's the same cow we passed six miles ago.
Amnesia vu - the feeling you've forgotten this before.
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound ?
How did a fool and his money get together ?
Why is it you always find things in the last place you look ?
  (there wouldn't be much point still looking after you found it ...)
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it !
Inside me is a thin person struggling to get out, but that person can
  usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
If it weren't for me, there'd just be a pile of my clothes on the floor.
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.



Bumper stickers

If you can read this, I've lost my trailer
He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit
If you can read this, please flip me back over [seen upside down, on a jeep]



Definitions

Sarchasm - the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient
  who doesn't get it.

Reintarnation - coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Dopeler effect - the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
  come at you rapidly.

Ohnosecond - that miniscule fraction of time in which you realize that
  you've just made a BIG mistake.