Kids' quotes

Kids Quotes 

Never give up because life gets harder as you get older. After preschool
the road of life keeps getting bumpier and bumpier and bumpier.
- Angela age 11 

Never blow in a cat's ear because if you do, usually after three or four
times, they will bite your lips! And they don't let go for at least a minute.
- Lisa age 9 

Don't think life is easy, because when you get older it is hard work.
I used to think life was easy, now I have to do the dishes every other day.
- Nick age 9 

Take risks. I mean, if you like this person and you don't know if they like
you, ask them out and see what happens. I liked this girl and I asked her out.
She said no and she hates me now, but I took that risk.
- Bruce age 13 

Listen to your brain. It has lots of information.
- Chelsey, Age 7

Over the years ...

I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Age 7

I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me
clean it up.
- Age 13 



These actual letters from parents to teachers, with spelling mistakes intact,
prove that the students are better off writing their own! 

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32,
  and also 33.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the
  Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was
  Sunday.
Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed.
  Please execute him.
Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat,
  headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore
  throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going
  around, her father even got hot last night.
George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.
Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell
  off a tree and misplaced her hip.



My seventh grade students were asked to list the three Hebrew Kings in order
on a test following the study of the ancient Hebrews. My favorite answer was
the student who wrote, "The three Hebrew kings were Saul, David, and Soul
Man." Fortunately, I don't take off for spelling.



Kids' recipies

Andrew - Pizza
Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10
hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.

Nicholas - White and Brown Pudding
First you read the wrapper. Get a piece of water. Stir. Then you eat it.



My friend likes to read his two young sons fairy tales at night. Having a
deep-rooted sense of humor, he often ad-libs parts of the stories for fun.

One day his youngest son was sitting in his first grade class as the teacher
was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs.

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire
building materials for his home. She said "... and so the pig went up to the
man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but might I
have some of that straw to build my house with ?'"

Then the teacher asked the class "And what do you think that man said ?"
and my friend's son raised his hand and said "I know! I know! He said,
'Holy smokes! A talking pig!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.



The following "proverbs" were collected by a primary school teacher.
She gave her classes part of an old proverb and let them fill in the rest.
The results were amazing - to say the least.

OLD PROVERBS, NEW SLANT 

1. As you shall make your bed so shall you... mess it up.
2. Better be safe than... punch a 5th grader.
3. Strike while the... bug is close.
4. It's always darkest before... daylight savings time.
5. Never underestimate the power of... termites.
6. You can lead a horse to water but.. how?
7. Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty.
8. No news is... impossible.
9. A miss is as good as a... Mr.
10. You can't teach an old dog new... math.
11. If you lie down with the dogs, you'll... stink in the morning.
12. Love all, trust.. me
13. The pen is mightier than the... pigs.
14. An idle mind is... the best way to relax.
15. Where there's smoke, there's... pollution.
16. Happy the bride who... gets all the presents!
17. A penny saved is... not much.
18. Two's company, three's... the Musketeers.
19. Don't put off tomorrow what... you put on to go to bed.
20. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and... you have to blow
    your nose.
21. None are so blind as... Helen Keller.
22. Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded.
23. If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.
24. You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box.
25. When the blind leadeth the blind... get out of the way.



More kids' proverbs

A bird in the hand is a real mess. 
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a blister. 
A penny saved is nothing in the real world. 
A rolling stone plays the guitar. 
Better to light a candle than to light an explosive. 
Don't count your chickens -- it takes too long. 
Early to bed and early to rise is first in the bathroom. 
I think, therefore I get a headache. 
If you can't stand the heat, go swimming. 
It's always darkest before 9:30 p.m. 
It's always darkest just before I open my eyes. 
It's better to light one candle than to waste electricity. 
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, and someone yells, "Shut up!" 
Never put off 'til tomorrow what you should have done yesterday. 
No news is no newspaper. 
The grass is always greener when you put manure on it. 
The grass is always greener when you remember to water it. 
The squeaking wheel gets annoying. 
There is nothing new under the bed. 
To err is human. To eat a muskrat is not. 
We have nothing to fear but our principal. 

A journey of a thousand miles begins with... a private jet.
Better late than... absent.
A bird in the hand is... better than a woodpecker on your head.
Two heads... are pretty scary.