Random jokes 8

Little Leroy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided
that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well
Leroy, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy
you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for
one instead." 

After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down
to write a letter to Jesus. 

  Dear Jesus: 

     I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle. 

  Your Friend, 
  Leroy
 
Now Leroy knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (a Brat).
So, he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try. 

  Dear Jesus: 

    I've been an OK boy this year and want a new bicycle. 

  Yours Truly, 
  Leroy
 
Well, Leroy knew this wasn't totally honest so he tore it up and tried again. 

  Dear Jesus: 

    I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a new
    bicycle. 

  Leroy
 
Well, Leroy looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what
his mother was really wanting. He crumpled up the letter threw it in the
trash can and went running outside. He aimlessly wandered about;
depressed because of the way he treated his parents and really considering
his actions. He finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church. Leroy
went inside and knelt down. He looked around, not knowing what he should
really do. Leroy finally got up and began to walk out the door and was
looking at all the statues. All of a sudden he grabbed a small one and ran
out the door. He went home, hid it under his bed and wrote this letter. 

  Jesus, 

    I've broken most of the Ten Commandments; shot spit wads in school, tore
    up my sister's Barbie doll and lots more. I'm desperate. I've got your
    mama. If you ever want to see her again give me a bike. 

  You know who.



Down at the Veteran's hospital, a trio of old timers ran out of tales of their
own heroic exploits and started bragging about their ancestors. "My great
grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh."

"Mine," boast another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn."

"I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my
great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world."

"What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.

"Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old."



The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with
relief to the kindly voice in her ear. 

"How are you, darling ?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having ?" 

"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such
a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't
had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I
have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed
to have two couples to dinner tonight." 

The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said,
"sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do
your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the
baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the
washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll
even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help
out for once." 

"George ?" said the housewife. "Who's George ?" 

"Why, George ! Your husband ! ... Is this 223-1374 ? 

"No, this is 223-1375." 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." 

There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not
coming over ?"