Random jokes 7

Paints were a very precious quantity in the good old days, and British
merchants could make a small fortune supplying paints to the colonies. 
One company sent a clipper ship full of red paint across the ocean.
It had the very bad luck to collide with another ship full of blue paint. 
As a result of this disaster, both crews were ... marooned. 



Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to the
Associated Press. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback,
stupefied ... 



A man walks into the doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot
in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "Whats the matter with me?",
he asked. "You're not eating properly", replied the Doctor. 



Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people
in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my
older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.



A man drove all night long. Upon arriving in a small community, he
decided to stop in the local park and catch some shuteye.

Just as he dozed off, there was a knock on the window. Outside the
car, the man saw a jogger. "Excuse me, can you give me the time?"

"Yeah, it's 6:27."

The man settled back and was almost asleep when there was another
knock on the window. Another jogger.

"I'm sorry to disturb you. Do you have the time?"

"Yeah. It's 6:34."

The man rolled up the window and realized this could go on forever.
So he took paper and pen and made a sign which read: "I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME".
He stuck the sign in the window and again nestled himself back in the seat.
Then ... yet another tap on the window. The man looked and sure enough,
another jogger. He rolled down the window and said, "Yeah, what is it?"

The jogger replied, "It's 6:42."



A fellow was invited to the home of some old friends for dinner. His
buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her
Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. 

The guest was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70
years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his friend, "I
think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still
call your wife those pet names." 

His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about
ten years ago."



An old lady was concerned about her husband when she heard that someone
was driving the wrong way down highway 99, because she knew that was the
way he always came home from work. So she rang him up on the car phone
and said, "Please be careful honey, they said on the news that there's
a car going the wrong way on highway 99".

He replied, "It's not just one car, there's hundreds of them !"



A blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a vicar, a priest, a rabbi, two giraffes and
a duck, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, an IRS agent, a Mexican, an Indian,
a Chinese, an Irishman, an Englishman, a Scotsman and a redneck walk into a bar.
The barman says: "What is this, some kind of joke?