Random jokes 6

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were hiking. They hiked all day long and
then, having gotten tired, went to sleep in their tent. Holmes wakes up
deep at night, wakes Watson and says, "Watson, do you see the bright stars
and do you notice how clear the sky is ? What can you deduce from it ?"

"Well, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry
and sunny."

"No Watson, it's simpler than that. It just means that somebody has
stolen our tent."



Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to
take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.

In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" said the
lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded
my favorite mule Bessie into the...."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the
question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"
Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was
driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway
Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the
accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please
tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and
said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
favorite mule Bessie."

Joe thanked the judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just
loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down
the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and
smacked my truck right in the side.

I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was
hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie
moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her
groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could
hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked
at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the
Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.
He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you
feeling?"



A honeymooning couple was passing through Louisiana. When they were
approaching Lafayette, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the
town. They argued back and forth until they got to the town, where they
decided to stop for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, the man said, "Before we order, could you
please settle an argument for us? Would you very slowly pronounce where
we are". The guy behind the counter leaned over and said,
"Burrrrrrrrgerrrrrrr Kiiiiing."



Stan was thrilled to get a jigsaw puzzle for his birthday. He set all
sixteen pieces out on a card table and every day when he got home from
the office he'd set out to work on it. Finally, one day he jumped up
from the table and ran to the phone. "Sylvia!" he cried, "remember the
puzzle you gave me ? I finished it !""

"Gee Stan, that's great," responded his friend after a little hesitation.
"But you mean to say it took you three months to put it together?"

"Not bad, eh ?" Stan said proudly. "On the box it says, 'Three to five
years.'"



Three old men were discussing what they would want people to say at their
funerals. The first one said, "I'd like them to say, 'He was a kind and
generous man.'" The second one said, "I'd like them to say, 'This is a
great loss to the world.'" They asked the third man, and he thought for
a bit and said, "Look, he's moving !"



A married couple woke up this one morning, Jane (wife) said to John (hubby)
"Do you know what today is?" His answer, "Sure I know what day it is."

John got ready and proceeded on to work, on the way he stopped at the florist
and sent Jane a dozen red roses. He wondered if that was enough, so to make
sure he also sent her a box of chocolate. On the way home he thought, what
if the messenger didn't get the delivery done ? So on the way home, he stopped
and bought another dozen red roses and another box of chocolates. When he
arrived home, he rang the doorbell and waited for Jane to answer.

When she opened the door, she had the most incredulous look on her face and
said, "This is the greatest Groundhog Day I ever had in my life !"