Random jokes 4

Two men were observed working along side the road. One would dig a hole
and then go about ten feet and dig the next one. The other worker was
following behind him filling the holes back in.

After watching this unproductive behavior for a while, curiosity was peaked.
"What's going on here ? What are you men doing ?"

"Well," replied the first man, "My name is Jack, I dig the holes, that's
Charlie, he fills in the holes, and Roy, he's off today, he plants the trees."



There was a man who was fed up with modern society, and decided to become
a Monk.

He checked out a number on monasteries and chose one he liked. The only
reservation he had with it was he had to take a vow of silence and could
only say two words every ten years.

He took the vow and began his first ten years of service without saying a
word. At the end of ten long years he was brought before the head of the
monastery and was asked what two works he would like to say.

His response was "FOOD BAD". And that was it for another long, long, ten
years, until he was once again allowed to say another two words. After
twenty years he was brought before the head of the monastery and was asked
what two words he would like to say.

His response was "BED HARD", and that was it for another long, long, long,
ten years, until he was once again allowed to say another two words. After
thirty years he was brought before the head of the monastery and asked
what two words he would like to say.

His response was "I QUIT". The head man answered back "You might as well.
You've done nothing but complain since you've been here".



A man in a supermarket was pushing a cart which contained, among other things,
a screaming baby. As the man proceeded along the aisles, he kept repeating
softly, "Keep calm, George. Don't get excited, George. Don't yell, George."
A lady watched with admiration and then said, "You are certainly to be
commended for your patience in trying to quiet little George."
"Lady," he declared, "I'M George!"



The moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the
earth every year. Do the math and you will clearly see that 85 million
years ago it was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from
the earth's surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs.
The tallest ones, anyway.



A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an Old Indian went up
to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained. A week
later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next
day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to
hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful
predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally the
director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the
director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."



A man who was unemployed for several months gets a job with Public works.
He is to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor tells
him he is on probation and that he must stay at or above the set average
of 2 miles per day to remain hired. The man agrees to the conditions and
starts the next day.

The supervisor checks and finds the man completed 4 miles.
"Great," he thought, "this man will work out."

The next day he finds the man only did 2 miles but the supervisor
thought, "well he is still at the average and I don't want him to get
discouraged."

The third day however the man only did one mile and the Boss thought,
"I need to talk to him."

The boss pulls the new employee in and says, "Son, you were doing great,
the first day you did 4 miles the second day 2 miles but yesterday you
only did one mile, Why? is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure,
anything keeping you from meeting the 2 mile minimum?"

The man replied "Well, I keep getting farther and farther from the bucket."