Random jokes 1

Letter to heaven

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing
happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the
$100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord,
USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so
impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send
the little boy a $5 bill.

President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a
little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write
a thank-you note to the Lord, which read:

Dear Lord,

Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for
some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those
jerks deducted $95.

Love,
Tommy



As you are receiving this note by e-mail, it's wise to remember how easily
this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with
serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled street of
Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was
planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided
to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he
had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an
elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor,
let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the
sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

  Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival
  tomorrow.  PS. Sure is hot down here.



The National Football League recently announced a new era. From now on,
no offensive team names will be permitted. While the owners of the teams
rush to change uniforms and such, the National Football League announced
yesterday the name changes and schedules for the 1999 season: 

The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People
on opening day. 

Other key games include the Dallas Western-Style Laborers hosting the St.
Louis Wild Endangered Species, and the Minnesota Plundering Norsemen
taking on the Green Bay Meat Industry Workers. 

In Week 2, there are several key matchups, highlighted by the showdown
between the San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts and the New Orleans
Pretty Good People. 

The Atlanta Birds of Prey will play host to the Philadelphia Birds of Prey,
while the Seattle Birds of Prey will visit the Phoenix Male Finches. 

The Monday night game will pit the Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes
against the Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden. 

The Cincinnati Large Bangladeshi Carnivorous Mammals will travel to
Tampa Bay for a clash with the West Indies Free Booters later in Week 9. 

And the Detroit Large Carnivorous Cats will play the Chicago Large
Mountain Mammals. 

Week 9 also features the Indianapolis Young Male Horses at the New
England Zealous Lovers of Country.



A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat,
the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his
father, "How does this boat float?"

The father thought for a moment, then replied, "I don't rightly know, son."

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How
do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my
asking you all of these questions?"

"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn
anything !"