Analogies

World's worst analogies

1. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it.

2. She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to
dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open
again.

3. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.

4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
"Jeopardy" comes on at 7 P.M. instead of 7:30.

5. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

6. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

7. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

8. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

9. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie,
this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall
Man."

10. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 P.M. traveling at 55 m.p.h., the other from Topeka at
4:19 P.M. at a speed of 35 m.p.h.

11. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on
a Dr. Pepper can.

12. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.

13. The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of
metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

14. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon



More analogies

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a
while. 

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real
duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter
from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. 

It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever
seen before. 

The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.)
in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry
Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the
impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton. 

The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set
on medium. 

He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs,
I suppose. 

The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object. 

You know how in "Rocky" he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw
beef? Well, yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in. 

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she
were a garbage truck backing up. 

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any PH
cleanser. 

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-
temperature beef. 

Her pants fit her like a glove, well, maybe more like a mitten, actually. 

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal
paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. 

The painting was very Escher-like, as if Escher had painted an exact copy of
an Escher painting. 

Fishing is like waiting for something that does not happen very often. 

They were as good friends as the people on "Friends." 

He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry, you know,
the one who goes woo woo woo. 

The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747. 

The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent
cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black. 

She had a voice so husky it could have pulled a dogsled.

There was something funny about the kidnapping crime scene that
Special Agent Frievald couldn't quite place, and the thought stuck
with him throughout the rest of the day, like those tiny little bits
of the circumferent skin from the bologna slices on a foot-long
Subway Cold Cut Trio that get stuck in between the last two molars
on the upper left, on the tongue side where you can't possibly reach
them with a toothpick, your fingernails, or even a systematically
straightened paper clip, they just sit there and make everything you
eat at your next meal taste vaguely like vinegar and mayonnaise, and
then somehow - quietly but miraculously - they disappear by
themselves in the middle of the night while you're asleep, just like
the visiting Countess appeared to have done.